


Not Afraid To Fade Into Emotions

by alienharry



Category: Little Mix (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Cute Girlfriends, F/F, Fluff, barely
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-19
Updated: 2017-01-19
Packaged: 2018-09-18 11:54:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,819
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9383822
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alienharry/pseuds/alienharry
Summary: “Well, Jade,” Perrie smiles, teeth showing in a mischievous way. “I’ve got to go buy this so I can get started on a project I will probably procrastinate doing until the last minute. But I’d love to see you again. Would you maybe want to meet up and delve into the sheets?”She’d love to meet up with Perrie, there’s no doubt about that, but she refuses to do so with the song as an excuse. “I don’t need that version, though,” she reminds her. “I need - ”“Not the sheets I was talking about, babe.”-----Jade and Perrie meet at auditions, and it's inevitable that they fall in love.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Title from Touch by Little Mix

It starts with a song. 

She can’t identify it, not with how muffled it is behind the solid wooden door, not with the way that everyone outside of the rehearsal hall is making so much noise, sharing their nerves and practicing their own vocals. 

The volume of it is impressive, is her first thought. The Royal Academy of Music is known for its impenetrable walls. They’ve got better acoustics in their custodial closets than most polished auditoriums do. So the fact that this voice can be heard through the walls and still be hitting a proper note - well, it has Jade leaning closer to get a better listen, to make sure she’s not insane, that the pressure of the audition hasn’t completely gotten to her. 

There are only two spots, she’s been constantly reminding herself, and the entire Vocal Department is eligible to put their voices out there. Had it been any other University, Jade would’ve had her head to the ceiling and the look on her face that has Leigh-Anne refusing to be in the same room with her. But this is the Royal Academy of Music, and the fact that she’s standing here at all is a miracle in itself, a dream from which she’s hoping to never wake up. Having to compete with the the best voices in England isn’t exactly a smooth journey. 

By the time Jade has worked herself in and out of her anxious frenzy, the voice has long stopped. The beautiful, strong, and  _ loud _ voice has finished, probably hitting its climax at the very tip of the crescendo. Jade isn’t jealous, moreso impressed and desperate to see the face that’s probably going to beat her out for the spot, but she only hopes she doesn’t have to follow that performance up. She doesn’t want to be set up for disappointment after a show that moved not only the judges, but those standing anywhere nearby. 

The doors open and something out of Jade’s dreams walks out, a blonde beauty with a nose ring and smile that could light up the sky and end some lives at the same time. She’s being escorted by the official aide for the audition and he calls in the next performer as he sees her off. 

It’s not Jade, luckily. Not only does she not want to half to follow the act, but she also doesn’t think she’d be able to move, let alone sing, after the woman gives her a once over, eyes hot and almost suffocating, trapping Jade in their gaze and holding her there until the woman sees fit to smile and walk away. 

When Jade’s name is called twenty minutes later, she’s managed to get back into her musical headspace, to be confident enough in her voice to sing in front of the judges and not completely brick it. 

She walks out of there with a promise of a call within five days to inform her of whether or not she’s made it to the next round, but the optimistic smiles on their faces have her thinking she absolutely nailed it. 

~~~

It’s been a long day, having just been assigned the biggest project of the semester, when she gets a call from Leigh-Anne telling her that she’s needed at their room ASAP, having forgotten her key. 

It isn’t too big of a deal. she’s  through with her classes and had just been in the Student Learning Center on the computer hoping to find a song that was completely different from her abilities and turn it into something of her own. She’s almost glad that the call came through, as she knew she wasn’t getting anywhere, and the more time she spent over thinking things, the crazier she’d drive herself. 

The only part of it that she didn’t absolutely love was that the Student Learning Center is a bit of a walk away from her room. Making the trek across campus in enough time for Leigh-Anne to grab her violin before her Instrumental Studies class isn’t exactly an easy task, especially at this time of day, when the twelve o’clock classes are letting out and everyone is heading in every direction for lunch, their next classes, back to the dorms, or to just hang out with their friends. 

And Jade doesn’t have the time to weave herself through the traffic. 

She’s halfway there, passing through the open courtyard filled with busy sidewalks and students lying across the artificially green grass as they work on revisions or just plain fuck around with their friends, when she sees her: 

The brown roots leading into golden hair, a smile brighter than that, and a loud laugh that could defy the architectural capabilities of the campus come to her attention, and it doesn’t take long for the clouded blue eyes to find Jade as well.

The woman only looks at her for a moment, her mouth curving upward when she recognizes Jade’s face from the audition. She turns away just as Jade raises her hand in a pathetic attempt at communication. The woman takes the item in her hand and throws it towards the girl sitting across from her, arms raising in celebration when she catches it in her mouth. 

Jade misses her turn-off to cut through the admissions office. It’s a path that’ll cut a good five minutes off her journey, and she walks right by it, too caught up in watching this woman, completely captivated by even the simplest of actions. 

She’s a terrible roommate, but she can feel the woman’s eyes on her and she doesn’t want to embarrass herself by turning around, so she’s just going to have to take the long way, even if that means making Leigh-Anne a little late. 

She feels guilty about that, so the moment she’s out of sight, she books it, running as fast as she can back to the door. 

It’s only a bigger kick in the stomach when Leigh-Anne gets the email that class has been cancelled. 

~~~

Jade finds her piece after stealing her neighbor’s iPod. They’re decent enough friends, but their music tastes are so different that she has confidence in being able make a decent connection with a song she’s never heard before. 

That doesn’t happen. 

What she  _ does _ find is a song that she’s heard before, but a completely different arrangement, one that she hasn’t heard. It’s the original version, she finds out online, and the song that she’s familiar with is actually a cover, one that shares equal popularity with its original. 

She goes to the bookstore just east of her Choral Literature classroom after she gets out. It’s easier than making the trip later when the day has exhausted her and rendered her useless. Going now is better than the other option, because the other option is putting it off until it’s too late. 

For a Thursday afternoon, the store is pretty busy, and Jade can only assume that a lot of projects have been given out with the end of the semester looming in the near future. It’s a struggle to get to where the sheet music is stored, having to push her way through far too many people that refuse to move. 

The student body may be amongst the most talented in all of the UK, but that doesn’t mean that they aren’t absolute arseholes. 

She goes straight for the  _ B’s  _ when she gets to the sheet music, feeling rushed by the chatter of everyone around her and the fact that she’s afraid to lose her music to another party. 

It’s a valid fear, she’s made aware,, when she finds her music and is stopped by another hand grabbing for the same one. 

“ _ Skinny Love _ , eh?” Somebody asks. Jade looks up and sees that it’s the woman with the incredible voice from the audition. “You must be in Cahill’s Musical Innovations class then.”

“Oh, I - what?”

“Cahill?” The women repeats, looking more than amused at Jade’s sudden bout of speechlessness. “He just assigned this end of semester project that’s driving me mad.” She stops talking laugh as she shakes her head, adding a theatrical quality to their conversation that makes Jade think that it might not be happening at all. “You have to find a cover version that’s more popular than the original, and sample it into a completely new song, and it’s just got me like - why? Ya know? Like, why are we doing this? I just want to sing.” 

“I - ” Jade starts. She looks at the sheet music in the woman’s hand and insists, “That’s not a cover.”  

“Right?” The other woman laughs. “I thought the same thing until I looked it up. Turns out some indie band sings the original. I’m sure they do a bangin’ job, but Birdie’s voice is so timeless.” She’s looking into the bin as she speaks, right around the area they both grabbed the music from. “Looks like this is the last one, though. Hm, would you like to go out sometime, maybe run over the sheet music together?”

Jade’s so astonished at the fact that this woman is talking so much that she doesn’t even register being asked out. “I - ” she cuts herself off with a laugh and runs her hand through her hair. “Sorry. I’m, like, really nervous for some reason.”

“No worries, love,” the blonde smiles, waving her off. “It’s very cute. I’m endeared.” 

It makes her heart stutter in her chest, the way this woman is looking at her, calling her cute and waiting patiently for her to collect her bearings and respond. It’s a new feeling, something she’s not used to, but definitely something she likes. 

“I just,” she starts. “I actually don’t need that version. I thought that was the Bon Iver version, but I was in a rush and didn’t read the artist.” She looks down at the music, checking to see if she was in the wrong area. “Bit of a curse that they both start with B.” 

The other woman hums. “It is, yeah,” she agrees. “I take it you aren’t in Cahill’s class?”

“No, this is for Leister’s Vocal Arrangements class,” she answers. She spots the sheet music she needs, the words  _ Skinny Love _ written in bold letters and calling out for her to grab them, which she does. “We have to sing a song that we’re unfamiliar with and then we have to sing it again in a completely different style. And I’m unfamiliar with Bon Iver, so...” she holds up the sheet music, smiling gently. 

“That sounds so much better than this shite, I’ll be honest with you, love.”

“I actually think yours sounds really interesting,” Jade disagrees, “but what do you need the sheet music for if you’re only sampling from it? “ 

The other woman’s eyes light up and she huddles closer into Jade’s space, which does absolutely  _ nothing _ (read: everything) to her heart. “I wanted to put the vocals over a completely different backing, but I’m not good at finding what instrumentals and vocals go together, so I need the sheet music to sing myself over the few instrumentals I’ve created,” she explains. I want to make sure I’ve got it down before I actually do any of the hard work.”

“That’s the smartest thing I’ve ever heard, I’ll be honest with you,” Jade says and smiles, loving how it makes the other woman flush. “I’m usually the one that’ll spend a week doing a project before scratching it completely and starting over because I miscalculated one thing in the beginning that spun everything off track.” 

“My heart bleeds for you, love,” the other woman says. “That’s patience you’ve got if you’re will to do that. I could never.” 

Jade doesn’t know what to say in response, enjoying the intimacy that the silence gives them, but that doesn’t mean she’s upset when the stillness is interrupted.

“I’m Perrie, by the way. I realized I never got your name.” 

“I’m Jade.”

“Well, Jade,” Perrie smiles, teeth showing in a mischievous way. “I’ve got to go buy this so I can get started on a project I will probably procrastinate doing until the last minute. But I’d love to see you again. Would you maybe want to meet up and delve into the sheets?” 

She’d love to meet up with Perrie, there’s no doubt about that, but she refuses to do so with the song as an excuse. “I don’t need that version, though,” she reminds her. “I need - ”

“Not the sheets I was talking about, babe.”

When Jade finally purchases the Bon Iver music, cheeks pinked and smile unyielding, it’s with Perrie’s number in her phone and a pending date for the next day. 

~~~

Jade’s Choral Lit class ran far too long, and she can feel the exhaustion in her bones. If she has to listen to her professor praise Mozart one more time she thinks she’ll scream. It takes almost all of her energy to stop herself from yelling at him that Mozart is overrated and she isn’t spending 1600 pounds for credits from the class if it means listening to his bullshite any longer. 

All she wants to do is go back to her dorm, take a nice, hot shower, and persuade Leigh-Anne into heating up some leftover curry and feeding it to her like a baby. Chances are she wouldn’t, but Jade likes to believe she’s charming enough to make it happen. 

She won’t get the opportunity to try, she realizes as she’s just started on the path back to her room, because she’s got plans with Perrie at the Royal Grille. It’s a nice restaurant for lunch, staffed by students of the University as a way to take some of the sting out of their tuition. If Jade wasn’t so insistent on graduating early, she’d be right there alongside them, probably washing dishes, if only to pay for a class or two. 

She pivots, heading toward the restaurant. Her Choral Lit book weighs heavy in her hand as she passes by her lucky classmates that are going in the opposite directions, probably just as excited to end the day already, maybe even silently cursing Mozart in their heads. 

For a Friday afternoon  _ just _ after eleven o’clock classes have let out, it’s surprisingly dead inside the Royal Grille, only a few seats occupied as opposed to its usual booming business. 

It’s easy to spot Perrie, her bright hair standing out against the dark decor of the room. She’s in a booth on the other side of the bar, and Jade makes a beeline to her. “There she is!” Perrie exclaims. “Thought I’d been stood up, you’d forgotten about me or something.”

“I starting walking home first, I’ll be honest with you,” Jade confesses. “It’s just been a long day, and I cannot stand Mozart.”

Perrie laughs, “I’ll drink to that! An unexplained hatred of overrated classical artists? It’s like you googled me before you showed up.” It makes Jade join her in her laughter, taking a seat across from her. “Put the book down and forget about that stuffy old man,” Perrie says. “He’s dead now, he can’t hurt you anymore.”

“You’re ridiculous,” Jade teases as she pushes her books to the empty side of the table. “You know this, right?” 

“I do, Perrie shrugs, “but I also know that nothing makes me feel better than someone else paying for my lunch, so that’s what I’m doing for you. Now tell me about yourself.”

Jade stutters. “I - well first of all, thank you, but I can’t let you - ”

“Oh shut it,” Perrie laughs, interrupting Jade. Her eyes dance a full circle as she continues, “You’re as excited for me to pay as I was for the last season of Peep Show to be over. I’m doing it. Now tell me about yourself.” 

The restaurant is nearly empty, but Jade thinks that even if the entire campus was in here, all she’d be able to focus on was Perrie. The way her mouth forms around her words, how she speaks her mind and doesn’t worry about sound a bit odd, rambling on - it enchants Jade. 

“I’m a Capricorn,” she shrugs, starting in the most basic way as she doesn’t know where to begin. “I love singing, if that wasn’t apparent by me being a Vocal major. I, too, hated Peep Show - ”

“It was horrid, love,” Perrie interrupts, “and I’m so glad you agree with me.”

“I got through like one episode before I realized that Channel 4 and meself wouldn’t get along.”

“The only thing worse that watching it is knowing that me mum watches it and actually enjoys it.”

“She does not,” Jade gasps. “Oh, babe - ” 

“Hello!” They’re interrupted by a man placing menus in front of them. “I’m Thomas and I’ll be your waiter today. Can I start you off with something to drink?” 

Jade doesn’t even glance at the menu. “I’ll just get a water - ”

“Nonsense,” Perrie cuts her off with a dismissive wave of the wand. “If you aren’t interested in alcohol, I still insist that you get a lemonade or summat. You don’t have to go cheap for my sake, order what you want.”

Jade laughs, a short, aborted chuckle. She’s almost shocked that she’s being called out, but moreso amused at the enviroment in which it happened. “That’s very sweet, Perrie, but I actually prefer water. I would’ve gotten that even if it cost money.” 

“You’re sure?”

“Positive.”

“Well you heard the woman,” Perrie laughs, looking back to Thomas. “She’ll take a water and I will have a raspberry lemonade.” 

He writes their orders down on his notepad and nods to them. “I’ll be right back with that for you.” 

“Thank you.” 

As he walks away Perrie looks back at Jade, head tilted in interested as she asks, “So what else is there about you?” 

Jade’s never been great at first date conversations, never been able to think up questions for the other person, let alone answer them herself without prompting. It’s good when there’s a middle ground, something they’ve got in common, but even that’s hard to find without asking a couple of questions first. 

This is different, though. It isn’t awkward, and Jade doesn’t find herself nervous or uncomfortable in Perrie’s company. If anything, the lack of something to talk about is almost a surprise considering how easy being around her is. 

“I really don’t know what to say, to be quite honest with you,” Jade says. 

Perrie chuckles. “I don’t even know what I’m asking of you. First dates and stuff can be so awkward.” 

It’s exactly what Jade had been thinking but she still finds her eyes widening as Perrie says date. It isn’t news to her - she was aware that it was a date, but it gives her an idea that she almost ruins by smiling too soon. “Oh, so you - this is a date then?” she asks. “I just - right…”

“Uh - ” 

“I’m totally fucking with you.”

“Oh my goodness, “ Perrie huffs. “Don’t do that. I was genuinely nervous there. Talk about making it awkward, love.” 

“I just wanted to see the look on your face,” Jade confesses, “and I’ve got say it was so worth it.”  

Perrie’s face lights up in glee. “You’re a cheeky one, Jade,” she sings. “I’ll be honest, I wasn’t expecting it.”

“It’s because I didn’t talk at first, isn’t it?” Jade jokes back. “That’s how I get you, I’m a stuttering buffoon until I’m ready for that free food.”

“I knew it was a trap,” Perrie snaps her fingers as though she’s just had a revelation. “Ask my friends, I told them it was a trap.” 

The entire thing is ridiculous and Jade didn’t know expect this goofy of a personality when she first saw Perrie at the audition. If anything, she was expecting someone cocky and entitled. There’s still a chance that Perrie could be both of those things, but Jade’s starting to believe she’s just a bit loony. 

She absolutely loves it. 

“So are you excited about the calls being made for the second audition soon?” Jade asks, figuring one of them had to bring up the audition. It’s better to discuss it that too hold it inside, a white elephant everytime they're together. It’s best to let everything out in the open, to keep each other filled in and honest about how they’re technically competitors. 

“For that singer?” Perrie asks. “Totally. I’m - ”

“Here you go, ladies,” Thomas interrupts them, placing their drinks on the table in front of them. He reaches into his apron pocket and asks, “Are you ready to order?” 

If Jade’s completely truthful, she’d forgotten that they were out in public. Every moment has felt personal and intimate, like they’ve been alone in one of their flats. They were too caught up in each other for Jade to notice their surrounding. “I, uh, didn’t actually look at the menu, I’ll be honest with you.” She’s not even the slightest bit ashamed. “But I’ll just have whatever Pezza here is having.”

“Pezza, huh?” Perrie laughs. “Well, Pezza will take a BLT with some cheese on my chips. Is that good with Jezza?” 

“The order is, absolutely,” Jade agrees, laughing as she continues. “The name can be negotiated.” 

Perrie grins across the table, locking eyes with Jade. She cocks an eyebrow, looking almost challenging, but it still feels the same as when Perrie teased her, or when they were having an honest conversation. No matter what events unfold around them, it’ll always be easy between them. 

“I can take those menus for you,” Thomas insists, but it’s pointless as the women aren’t paying too much attention, maintaining their eye contact if only as a trial between the two of them. “And your orders will be up as quickly as possible.” 

“No rush,” Jade insists. 

They finally look away from each other, but Jade’s still grinning, can still feel energy pinballing throughout her body just from being near Perrie, just from sharing something, even just this moment, with her. 

Everything feels magical. 

“What were we talking about?” Perrie asks. 

Jade has to actually rack her brain to remember. “The audition,” she answers, astonished at her own ability to remember anything while Perrie’s foot starts to slide around her ankle. 

“Right, right! What about it?”

She laughs, “How excited you are for it.”

“Oh, right,” Perrie nods. Jade wonders if she actually remembers this time, but it’s proven that she does with the way she continues, “Yeah, It’s only two months, but it’ll be great in the portfolio, and the music is really good. Are you excited?”

“Definitely,” Jade agrees. “I’ve been so nervous waiting for the phone call to come in.” 

Perrie shrieks through her straw as she takes a drink of her lemonade. “Oh my goodness, me too,” she concurs. “Been absolutely shitting meself in anticipation. They’ve known who they were calling back the moment they auditioned them. If they could tell us now maybe I’d be able to sleep.” 

“Right?”

“Although I’m totally joking about the sleep thing.”

Jade hums, “I figured.” She expected uni to be filled with late nights, early mornings, and a distinct lack of a decent night’s sleep, but she sleeps like a baby nearly every night. “As if you’d be able to stay awake with the way school work keeps us busy.” 

“Oh, yeah,” Perrie responds, looking up like she didn’t even think of it. “That’s true too, I guess.” She shrugs, but there’s an upwards tilt to her lip that has Jade thinking she’s just joking around. “I was talking about weed.” 

It’s absolutely ridiculous, the look that the joke puts on Jade’s face, but she can’t help it, not when every word passed between the two of them feels like an inside joke, not when they can’t keep their eyes off of each other, too hyped on the moment. 

Jade doesn’t remember being tired, can’t possibly be worried about that when every nerve in her body is alive and electrifying to the touch just off of the feeling of being near Perrie. It’s like the only thing she’s able to focus on is what Perrie’s saying because it’s the only important thing in the world right now. 

Mozart, who? 

~~~

Ever since their date, Jade’s been texting Perrie nonstop, exchanging stories from their childhood and anecdotes about secondary school. It’s been good for relieving some of the stress that her work is putting on her, but it’s also good for making Jade consistently happy - twenty-four hours straight and she’s not been too bothered by anything. 

Not when her Leigh-Anne ate all of the noodles before Jade could have any for dinner, not when her Choral Lit professor emailed them about an project he forgot to assign, therefore adding to their workload, and not even when she couldn’t hit a specific low note in  _ Skinny Love _ . None of it bothered her, and she has Perrie to thank for that. 

It’s also thanks to some great news that Perrie received and passed on to Jade - she’d made it through to round two of the auditions. If things went well, she could be one of two backup singers for a new, anonymous rock artist. 

Jade could also have the same fate if she got through as well, but she hasn’t been called, doesn’t know if she even will be. They said she’d receive a call regardless, but the entire vocal department auditioned. Surely that’s too many people to ring up just to alert them of their failure. Maybe that’s why Jade didn’t get a call yet - she just wasn’t good enough. 

“No,” Leigh-Anne’s voice broke through her train of thought. 

They’d been at this for an hour already. Leigh-Anne was procrastinating rehearsing on her violin for a test she has in just a few days, so she’s reduced herself to relaxing on her bed and counting the tiles on the ceiling as she listened to Jade try and perfect  _ Skinny Love.  _

Every time Jade hit a wrong note, Leigh-Anne would inform her, going over the same piece, especially one she’s not familiar with, can be a bit draining. Jade would honestly let herself slide with a sour note, but Leigh-Anne won’t let that happen, won’t allow Jade to give up in exasperation. 

Jade’s not sure she’ll ever hit the notes, as they’re just too low for her register. She knows that part of going to school is to challenge yourself and expand your abilities, but she doesn’t think her voice could get that low without actually straining it, and that’d be even worse than hitting only a few sour notes. 

Jade groans loudly and overdramatically, mostly for show of Leigh-Anne to maybe have mercy on her. She’s trying her best, alright? 

She goes at it again, trying not to let her mind wander, needing it present and entirely focused on this piece. If she’d grabbed Birdie’s version, if she’d lied and said she was familiar with Bon Iver’s and that the cover version was new to her, this whole project would be easier on her. She’d probably be done already. 

“Wrong.” 

And for all that Perrie’s kept her happy with her constant texts, Leigh-Anne could very well ruin it all with her picky and unyielding criticisms. Jade thought she was close enough to the note, and if her professor's never heard the song before, then he wouldn’t know she wasn’t going low enough. 

She tries again, this time putting her all into it, focusing on keeping her breathing even and her back straight. She considers standing up, wondering if that would help her hit a lower note since it does the same with her higher notes. 

“ _ NRRR _ !” 

The moment the awful noise has left Leigh-Anne’s mouth, both women are sent off into a fit of giggles, Jade unable to even think of finishing the note she was holding. It feels good, like any stress she was holding is leaving her, and she thinks Leigh-Anne feels the same, if the way she’s leaning over the edge of her bed is any tell. 

They calm their fits down, having trouble and almost seeming unable to do so, but eventually they manage to tone it down, leaving Jade feeling light and giddy. It helps her to start back up on the singing. She easily hits the higher notes, and most of the low ones. And she feels good, feels her preparing to go way down for the note she always has the most trouble hitting. She hasn’t been able to even approach it yet, but she can feel it happening, knows it’s coming. 

And then her phone rings. 

The shrill tone throws off her concentration, and any chance she had of hitting the note completely flies away. It brings back the tense feeling from earlier, her teeth wanting to grind against each other in frustration as she reaches for her phone. 

It’s an unknown number and she almost considers ignoring it until she remembers the audition and rushes to pick up. “Hello?”  

“Hello, this is Olivia Mette,” the tinny voice comes through the speaker with an introduction that has Jade draining of her anger at being interrupted and being filled up with anticipation. “I’m calling for Jade Thirlwall about her audition for an anonymous project.” 

“Uh, this is she.” Leigh-Anne’s neck cracks with how quickly she turns to look at Jade, the wobble in her voice clearly interesting enough to attract the attention. 

“Hello, Jade,” Olivia greets, and Jade can hear the smile in her voice through the line. “We just called to inform you that you’ve made it through to round 2.” 

“I - really?”

“Absolutely,” Olivia laughs. There’s the sound of pen marks scratching on the other side. She adds, “We’ve got you scheduled in two days at noon. Is that alright with you or would you like to reschedule?”  

Jade ignores Leigh-Anne sitting up, silently mouthing at her, pestering for information on what’s being discussed, even though she must have a good idea. “That sound perfect.” 

“The sheet music has been emailed to you.” 

“I’ll be there,” Jade cheers, barely having completed her promise when the line goes dead. Leigh-Anne doesn’t even get to congratulate her before she’s dialing Perrie’s number and screaming her good news down the line. 

~~~

It was Perrie’s best friend who suggested getting drinks in celebration, and Jade gladly went along with it. She’s had a sharp, proud energy buzzing through her veins ever since she got the phone call, and getting drinks with some friends - even if they were someone else’s - is perfect. 

She’s the first one at the pub, as it is, cold drinks in front of her on the table to stop anybody from trying to steal the seats. Jade isn’t interested in talking to anybody that isn’t Perrie or her friend, too amped up and just thoroughly excited. 

It’s just that ever since coming to the Royal Academy of Music, Jade’s been in competition for top marks and time alone with her professors for vocal advice and - if she’s being honest - a spot as teacher’s pet, just so she’ll have great recommendation letters to add to her portfolio. Getting through to round two, surpassing over 90% of people going for the same degree as she, makes something warm wrap around her body, almost weightless with the joy it gives her. 

Perrie and her friend arrive just shortly after Jade’s given in and started with her drink. There’s an effortless smile on Perrie’s face, almost teasing, as she approaches the table. “Starting without us, babe?”

“You took too long,” Jade answers honestly over the brim of her glass. “I was going to die of dehydration.” 

“I don’t think alcohol is the best way to help with that,” Perrie says as she sits down, leaving her friend to stand behind her chair. It’s almost funny the way Perrie seems to have forgotten her existence when she saw Jade, and it makes Jade feel a bit cocky. 

She shrugs, looking back to where Perrie is grinning at her. “Well, I couldn’t abandon your drinks in favor of getting a water, could I? 

“You’re full of all sorts of shite, aren’t you?”

“Hello, by the way,” her friend interrupts, stepping out from behind Perrie to shake Jade’s hand. “I have a horrid best friend who was willing to let me stand there awkwardly all night, but my name is Jesy Nelson, and congratulations.”

Jade laughs, loving the way Perrie rolls her eyes at Jesy’s interaction. “Thank you so much,” she gestures to the open chair so Jesy can take a seat. “I’m Jade.” 

The other two women both take try their drinks at the same time, a small, pleased noise escaping each of their mouths that sets a sort of pride in Jade. It’s only one tiny thing, but getting drinks that they enjoy is something she spent a couple minutes thinking deeply about, not wanting to muck it. 

It’s only been a few days with Perrie, but she makes Jade feel special. Doing some right by her and her friend, even something as menial as a drink order, it has her feeling prideful in a way that she wishes she could feel forever. 

“Where’s your roommate?” 

Jade sighs and answers Perrie’s question, “She’s stuck at the dorm, been putting off on rehearsing for this test she’s got in a few days, and she figured it’s about time to get down to it.” 

“Poor thing,” Jesy coos. “What’s her major?”

“Contemporary Composition,” she answers. She remembers when she and Leigh-Anne first moved in together as roommates in their first year. She was a vocal major to begin with but had switched when the school started a new program that interested Leigh-Anne way more than singing ever did. She always fancied herself to be a songwriter more than a performer (Jade always thought that was ludicrous because Leigh-Anne’s got this voice that’s so light and wonderful and she always got chills hearing her sing). “How about yours?”  

“I’m a vocal as well,” Jesy answers her after taking a drink. “I just didn’t audition because the music style wasn’t my type and I didn’t want it to be an oddball out on my portfolio. Like, why is this classical singer doing rock shows?” She laughs. “Pass.” 

Jade doesn’t get to respond because Perrie’s scoffing from her seat at the other side of the table. “I told her it was ridiculous but she refused,” she says.

“C’mon, Perrie,” Jesy tries. “You know how competitive the classical field can be.”

“That’s understandable, yeah,” Jade puts in, nodding along as she tries to see both sides. “I can’t imagine how it would feel to lose a dream job just because you were better suited for a different song style.”  

“I still doubt that would happen, Jesy.”

Jesy sighs at Perrie’s remark. “Well, I don’t want to take any risks,” she explains. “Anyway, stop pestering me. Jade bought us these lovely drinks and we’ve yet to start celebrating, so bottoms up.” 

Their first round goes down quickly, as does their second round. It’s when they’re drinking the margaritas Jesy’s bought them that the lights turn dim and the patrons of the pub start dancing to the loud music that’s begun playing. 

Jesy tries to drag the two of them out to the dancefloor, but Perrie says she’s not drunk enough for that, and Jade denies as well, just wanting to stay forever in Perrie’s company. The two of them, watch Jesy walk off into the crowd and start dancing to the electronic music playing over the speaker. She looks happy, carefree, and a little bit wobbly with how many drinks she had. 

**“** She’s absolutely mad,” Perrie laughs as she starts dancing with a guy who has even less rhythm than she does. 

“She’s just having a good time, I think,” Jade reasons, enjoying seeing the madness go down on the dance floor. “I’d have joined her easily. Love me a good dance.” 

“Why didn’t you go then?”

She turns red, can feel the heat rushing to her face, but she’s never one to hide how she feels, so she bites the bullet and answers honestly. “I mean, you know, I wanted to celebrate with you.” 

“Yeah?” Perrie grins, voice lowering as she leans in closer. “With me?” 

“Yeah.” 

“Does that mean you like me? 

Jade sighs, rolling her eyes. “You know I do,” she tells Perrie, can practically see her ego growing as she does so. “Wouldn't have come out if if I didn’t, love.” 

Perrie’s teasing and Jade’s blushing, and the music's too loud, but it doesn’t make their first kiss any less perfect. Perrie leans in and parts Jade’s lips with her own, and if she could feel anything other than absolute joy, she’s sure there would be sparks, tiny pulses of energy drowning her body as Perrie’s tongue interacts with hers. 

Perrie pulls away far too soon, a cocky grin on her face as she bites her lip and offers, “Come back to my place?”

~~~

Jade wakes up feeling surprisingly refreshed. Her thighs are a little sore and the sheets aren’t exactly silky against her bare skin, but overall, no hangover is in sight and she can count it as a win. There’s a distinct lack of a partner in bed with her, but she can hear a light voice singing over the gentle strum of a guitar. 

It’s Perrie, she recognizes in turning. The words she’s singing sound so completely familiar, and it drives her a bit mad that she can’t recognize it. It takes Perrie getting to the chorus for Jade to realize that she’s doing an acoustic version of the audition song. It had beenemailed the day before and Jade ran through it over a dozen times before going out the night before. 

Now, though, she isn’t sure if she was singing it right, can’t be sure she’s ever performed anything properly, not with the way Perrie’s voice floats so effortlessly through the room, not with how enchanting it sounds, pulling Jade in instantly. 

“That sounds so beautiful,” Jade compliments, turning over in bed to face where Perrie’s leaning against the wall next to her window. 

“Thank you, love,” she grins, ceasing her strumming. She looks at where Jade is undressed and still hiding beneath the sheets, and her eyes narrow. “It’s nothing compared to the music we made last night, though.” 

“I - ” Jade clears her throat, hoping it distracts her from how hot her cheeks are burning. “Well that’s true, I guess.” 

Perrie laughs and sets her guitar down, leaning it against the window. “I actually have class,” she admits, “but I wanted to stay until you woke up, just so you wouldn’t think I ditched you or something.”

“Oh.” Jade stops short. She’s hooked up with a few people during her time in uni, and some people have stayed in the morning and talked, others have left before she’s awoken, but she’s never had someone who needed to leave, and chose to stay anyway. “That’s incredibly sweet. Thank you, love.” 

“No trouble at all,” she dismisses, grabbing her duffle to put by the door. She walks back over to the bed. “You can stay if you’d like - I think I have Netflix already up my laptop, but feel free to watch whatever. I have an account on ITV, so you could browse their website.” 

“As much as I love the hospitality,” Jade chuckles, “I actually have class too.” 

“Well, that’s just as well. Promise you’ll text me when you get out?” 

“Absolutely.” 

Perrie leans in and kisses her deeply, which isn’t what Jade was expecting to happen this early in the morning. Not that she’s complaining, far from it. Perrie’s hand reaches out, gripping Jade’s thigh through the sheet and making Jade moans and pull Perrie in closer. She has a feeling that if she can get Perrie to come back to bed, they’ll pick up where they left off and neither of them will care about missing class. 

Perrie pulls away laughing when Jade’s fingers get to her zipper. She takes her knees off the bed and steps away. “I gotta leave now or I won’t make it to class at all.” 

“Who says you have to?”

“You’re a bad influence, and I’m late,” she claims, walking towards the door. “I’ll see you soon.” 

Jade doesn’t want to watch Perrie leave, but she knows that they’ll have plenty of time later to continue this, so with great difficulty, she bids Perrie farewell with, “Have fun at school, babe.”

“You too.”

It takes Perrie’s roommate coming in to grab her backpack to spring Jade into action and actually get dressed for class. She steals a shirt from Perrie so it feels less like a walk of shame, and more like a prideful walk away from the room where she had one of the best nights of the year. 

~~~

Her phone keeps vibrating against her leg with supportive messages from Perrie. Jade’s got her audition in just a few moments, and she’s absolutely bricking it. Perrie’s is only a few hours later, and she’s calm as can be, causing Jade to be even more nervous, because maybe she isn’t as great as she previously thought, at least not if she’s panicking this bad. 

The official audition aide escorts her into the rehearsal hall and Jade stands before the judges, probably looking whiter than a sheet of paper, all the color having drained from her face in fear. 

**“** Hello, Jade,” Olivia Mette greets her with a mile-wide smile. “It’s lovely to see you again.”  

“You too, Miss Mette. It’s an honor.”

Olivia smiles and looks through the pile of folders in front of her, probably searching for one with Jade’s name on it. The other two judges on each side of her already have theirs out, but they’re keeping quiet, probably less of the social type and just there to judge the voice. “How are you doing today?”  

“A little nervous, I’ll be honest,” Jade answers, not even able to lie, not wanting to have anything else contribute to the shaking of her hand. “But good, I think.”

“Being nervous is good,” Olivia tells her. “If you weren’t a little scared, we’d think you didn’t care at all.”

“Oh, I absolutely care,” Jade insists.

“Good,” Olivia smiles. She looks down at the manila folder in front of her, the other judges doing the same, faces set. Jade’s glad Olivia is doing all the talking - having a warm smile and kind face in front of her makes the process far less intimidated. “If we could have you begin the piece, Stanley will start on the piano, and then the strings will come in. And then you. You ready?” 

Jade nods in response, feeling miles better than before. She takes in a deep breath and before she can let it out the piano comes in. Three bars later,the guitar and cello join. Jade counts herself in and begins singing. She makes sure to make eye contact, to try and evoke a connection between the judges and herself. 

She only makes it halfway through the first verse before Olivia stops her with a hand up. “That was really beautiful, Jade,” she compliments, sounding sincere. “You have such nice range.”

“Thank you?” She’s confused and doesn’t know how to take it as nicely when she’s been stopped in the middle of her performance. 

“The style was a little too R&B for what we’re looking for,” Olivia continues. “The song should have much more of a rock vibe. Do you think you could try it again?” 

“Yes, definitely.” The music starts up again and Jade’s worried. Her voice always has a bit more of an old school vibe to it. It’s the music she grew up on and it’s how she learned to sing. 

She tries, though. She puts  _ oomph _ into it, doesn’t let her riffs and runs get the better of her, but growls through the harsh parts and goes for the stronger, louder notes. She loses herself in the music, hopes that it sounds as good as it feels (it’s a bit of a stress reliever, if she’s honest). 

In the end, she won’t know until she gets a call from them, but they assure her that she should stay positive. “We love you,” Olivia tells her as they’re finishing up. “You’ve nothing to be worried about.”

~~~

After the audition, Jade had to get to her Choral Literature class, but after it lets out, she decides to swing by and pick Perrie up from her audition, wanting to hear how she did and possible share in their excitement together. 

**“** Hey, babe,” Perrie greats, sounding more than surprised to see Jade sitting outside of the rehearsal hall. “What’re you doing here?” 

Jade grins and starts walking, deciding to lead Perrie to her flat, figures shel should see it. And if she always wants to continue where they stopped the morning before, then that’s alright as well. “Wanted to see you. How’d you do in there?”  

“Pretty good, I think,” Perrie answers, sounding far too serious as she nods along. “Olivia told me I had a great upper register. She also said I may be too overpowering of a voice, could upstage the talent, but baby, I am the talent.” 

Jade stops walking for a moment, eyes wide as she asks, “Did you actually tell her that?” 

“Goodness, no,” Perrie denies, laughing at even the thought of saying that to the judges. “I actually  _ do  _ want the spot, so I just smiled and told her I could try and hold back when the artist was in the spotlight.” 

“And that pleased her?”

“I think so?” Her tone goes up and Jade can pick up on the uncertainty. “I’m not sure, but she told me they’d call me with the final results, so I’m just going to have to wait.” They walk for a few moments before Perrie asks, “How did yours go?” 

Jade laughs, remembering how terrifying it was, especially when, “They stopped me halfway through the first verse to tell me it was too “R&B” and that I had to try again with more rock influence.” 

Perrie gasps, coming to a stop herself, eyebrows raised in concern. “Oh, babe. I’m so sorry.” 

“It’s alright, I think,” Jade continues as Perrie rushes to catch up with her. “I did it again and she told me they loved me and to stay positive for when my calls, so I’m going to stay positive.”

“Good,” Perrie replies, a teasing grin on her face as she continues, “I’m sure you’re gonna rock it. I’ve yet to hear you sing so I can’t say anything. You could be awful for all I know.” 

“I am,” Jade continues. “I’m positively dreadful. Sound like a cat in heat.” 

“In heat, you say?”

Jade laughs, but shoves Perrie away in a show of distaste. “You’re disgusting, get away from me.” 

Perrie giggles along, but doesn’t let herself be pushed too far out. She reaches for Jade’s hand and pulls her in closely, linking their fingers together. “I’m only kidding, love.” 

Jade can feel herself blushing, and it’s all she can do to pray that her hand doesn’t start sweating. It’s such a symbol act, but it feels intimate. They’ve slept together, but it feels like this is so much more important, more of a milestone in their relationship. 

“This alright with you?” Perrie checks in after they’ve been walking for a minute.  

“It’s perfect by me,” Jade confirms. “Sorry if me hand gets sweaty.”

“If it does we can switch sides.” 

It’s such a simple sentence, Perrie was probably just bantering, but it has Jade feeling warm inside, has her gripping Perrie’s hand tighter. “A brilliant resolution. I love it.” 

They walk the rest of the time in silence, allowing Jade time to just feel, to enjoy the moment as it is. She’s holding hands with a beautiful woman and they’re both going to school to pursue their dreams, finalists for the same wonderful opportunity.

Her life feels perfect. 

There’s still the impending projects she’s got to turn in, and though she’s finally able to hit the lowest note in  _ Skinny Love _ , it’s far from ready to perform. There’s still the fact that she doesn’t know if either of them will even get the spots as background singers, and if only one of them does, where their will relationship will stand as far as distance goes. 

But right now, holding hands with Perrie and going back to her dorm where they’ll cuddle and share cheesy jokes - it all feels perfect. 

“This is your dorm?” Perrie asks as they approach Williams Hall. “Jesy lives here too. 31A.” 

“Oh we’re at 28B,” Jade says, speaking her thoughts out loud. It’s a wonder why she’s not seen Jesy before the night they met, especially with them living so close. “Nearly right above her. She’s probably heard me singing sometimes - ”

“When you sound like a cat in heat?” 

“Yeah,” Jade laughs, loving that they already have an inside joke, loving that every moment with Perrie feels so easy. “The RA thinks we’ve got a rogue animal running around, but it’s just me, calling out for someone to help me with my needs.”

As they get closer to the door, Perrie doesn’t let Jade go inside, instead guiding her to the wall next to it. “I can help you plenty.” she tells her. 

“Oh yeah?” Jade asks, feeling suddenly cocky, like if making conversation about everything else is easy, then teasing should be even easier. “You can help me out? Keep me quiet maybe?” 

“Hmm,” Perrie hums, but it does nothing to hide the shock that Jade’s question evoked. “Is that something you’d be into?” 

Jade bites her lips, excited in a way that burns through her blood. “I guess you’ll have to find out.” Perrie leans forward as though to kiss her, but the door to her building opens and a small group of students come walking out. They don’t see Jade and Perrie pressed tightly together against the wall. 

It does cause them to spring apart, though - tensely laughing, not quite coming down from the close moment. Perrie gestures to the open door and Jade slips through, turning back to check that Perrie’s still behind her. 

They don’t talk, don’t hold hands, just keep their distance as they walk up the stairs, tension strung tight like a chord, ready to snap at the slightest instigation. But they can wait until they get in the room. 

“I hate tests,” is the way their both greeted. Those words are accompanied by the sight of Leigh-Anne, bent over and digging through her closet. “I think would be so much better off without testing.” 

“Uh, me too, Leigh,” Jade agrees, not knowing what else to say. “By the way, this is Perrie.” 

“Hello,” Perrie says.

“Hello, it’s lovely to meet you,” Leigh-Anne greets, tone flat and looking worse for wear as she put her violin case on her bed. “Unfortunately, I must be going because I’ve got a test to fail.”

Perrie hums next to Jade, asking, “What’s it on?”

Leigh-Anne rolls her eyes and Jade feels like laughing because just like Jade hates Mozart, Leigh-Anne hates all classical music about ten times more. “I’ve to do Paganini’s Caprice No. 4 in C minor and I’m terrified,” she answers. “Would you like to take my place?” 

“Leave her alone, Leigh,” Jade interrupts. “Get to your class.”

“You’re right. I’ll be late. Wish me luck.”

“Good luck.”

“Good luck.” 

The door slams behind Leigh-Anne as she rushes out of the room, violin in hand and mouth set in a frown. The moment the door clicks shut, Jade walks over to lock it and turns back to Perrie, licking her lips when she sees her, sans shirt, lying in Jade’s bed. 

“I think we’re alone now,” Perrie hums, fingers teasing the edge of her shorts. It doesn’t take long for Jade to race over to her bed and throw herself on top of Perrie, their laughter a beautiful soundtrack as they kiss. 

They get each other off quickly, rushing through their giggles, giddy off of being alone, off of knowing that they’ve got the room to themselves. Between curious fingers and clever tongues, they climax together, but the moment keeps rising around them. 

Being with Perrie feels almost nostalgic. It’s all happening in real time, right before Jade’s eyes, but there’s this fleeting, sort of ephemeral quality to their time. It could be that they’ve only just begun seeing each other, but the fact still stands.

Being with Perrie feels like magic. 

~~~

She's in a rehearsal room in the Student Learning Center when she gets the call.

It's been a busy day and Leigh-Anne's been stressing about her test results for the past three days. It was disrupting Jade's rehearsing, so she signed up for two blocks in a row in a rehearsal room, desperate to perfect the music. She's begun playing  _ Skinny Love _ on repeat no matter what she's been doing. It's leaving a Bon Iver sized print on her everyday life and she's still yet to perfect it.

She's improving, though. Every full run-through of the song is another step closer to the A she needs. She figures there's no need to practice her restyled version, as she'll sing it in whichever way comes naturally to her, letting herself get lost in the music likes she's been craving the chance to do.

She's just finished a decent run of the song when her phone lights up with an unknown number it. Jade knows, has been waiting for this moment for days and knows what it feels like, and she eagerly answers. "Hello?"

"This is Arwin Donlan on the board with Olivia Mette for an anonymous project," the voice answers. She was hoping for Olivia Mette herself, but good news is good news no matter the delivery. "I'm calling to inform Jade Thirlwall that we will not be accepting her into one of our two available positions. Her participation and talent are valued but we're going in a different direction."

The line cuts out and his monotonous voice is gone, leaving Jade feeling heartbroken and completely unsatisfied. The rejection hurts, but the call felt unnerving and void of emotion, which is the exact opposite of what Olivia Mette had represented. She almost believes it's a joke until the memory of Arwin Donlan sitting just left of Ms. Mette flashes in her head and she's left sitting in shame.

There's a nasty, selfish thought that crosses her mind. A part of her secretly hopes that Perrie got rejected as well, that she won't be alone in her sadness. The thought lasts far too long before she feels guilty, which then makes her feel sick because the guilt didn’t come on as fast as it should've.

"I'm so sorry," she whispers to her sheet music as she packs her things away fifteen minutes early. She needs to find Perrie and find out if she won.

And she'll be supportive regardless of the answer.

~~~

She finds Perrie in her dorm room. It's sadly not the first place she looked, but she's a little scatterbrained, still upset about her inner thoughts from earlier. Seeing Perrie’s beautiful face helps calm her down, helps realize that it was a spur of the moment thought and that no matter what happens Perrie deserves her support. 

“Hey, babe,” Perrie answers the door, sounding happier than ever before to see Jade. She’s beaming the widest smile Jade’s ever seen and holding the door open for Jade to enter. “Thought you were rehearsing all day.” 

Jade walks in, placing her bag at the foot of Perrie’s bed. “I was but then I got the call and - ”

“Oh my goodness,” Perrie gasps, shutting the door. She sounds absolutely giddy as she continues, “Did you get it?” 

“Uh, no,” Jade starts, not like the immediate way that Perrie’s face drops, not like how sympathetic and authentic it felt, how she must be devastated for Jade. She probably wouldn’t feel that way if she’d heard Jade’s thoughts earlier. “I didn’t, but it’s alright.” 

“Oh, babe,” Perrie rushes forward and wraps her in a hug. 

“Pezza, I’m fine. I promise.”

Perrie shakes her head, slightly shaking Jade along with her. “I don’t care,” she murmurs. “I’m still going to cuddle you.” They continue to hug a moment longer before Perrie pulls back. “I’m so sorry, I know you wanted it so bad.”  

“I did, yeah,” Jade agrees, “but I think it’ll be alright.” Perrie pouts at that, an over exaggerated reaction that has her bottom lip puckering out. Jade leans forward and kisses her lower lip gently, which causes both of them to giggle.  “I actually came to see if  _ you _ got it.” 

“I, uh - I did, actually,” she doesn’t look as excited as before as she shares her good news, and Jade knows it’s because she dampened the mood. “I just got that call and was about to message you when you knocked.” 

“Oh, wow,” Jade cheers, hoping to sound happy enough to life Perrie’s mood, not wanting her terrible thoughts to interfere with the celebration. “Congratulations, babe.” She pulls Perrie in for a kiss, a gentle peck on the lips, just because she hopes not to let her bitterness affect Perrie’s happiness. “Do you, um - when does everything start?” 

“Tomorrow, actually,” Perrie answers, letting herself grin now that Jade’s involved. “They email us the music to start learning tomorrow, and then - oh wait, I have to text my mom really quick.”

Jade nods, letting her smile drop as Perrie looks down at her phone. “Yeah, you should probably do that. I’m sure she’ll be proud.” 

“She’ll be embarrassing, that’s what you mean,” Perrie laughs as her fingers type rapidly on her screen. “Probably post all over facebook and full out type ‘laugh out loud.’” It’s funny, but Jade doesn’t have much joy in her, still upset that she didn’t make it, and even angrier at herself for not being happy for Perrie. She laughs but it feels hollow. 

“Anyway, yeah,” Perrie continues, looking up from her phone. “We start rehearsals in three days and we leave right at the end of the semester for a two month tour across England. It’s mad.” 

“Sounds like it, love.”

“Yeah, I - ” Perrie cuts herself off, smile dropping. “Okay, please don’t take this the wrong way, babe, but like - you’re okay with this, right?” 

And she’s caught. 

Jade’s fake smile drops and the color drains from her face. “Yeah, ‘course I am,” she lies. 

“Are you sure?” Perrie asks. “It’s alright if you’re upset about not getting through, that’s understandable.”

“I’m not upset, I’m fine with it, Pez.”

“Well, like,” Perrie stops for a minute to think through her words, and Jade doesn’t like that. It just makes her feel worse that she’s still angry even though Perrie’s being nothing but thoughtful. “I’m asking because I don’t want to keep talking about it if it’ll make you uncomfortable. I want to do right by you.”

“I said I was good, I’m good.”

“I don’t think you are, though,” Perrie argues. “It just doesn’t feel genuine - ” 

“I’m sorry?”

Perrie grimaces, and Jade knows that she isn’t meaning to be as cruel as it’s coming out, but it still makes her feel upset. “Well, your words sound a little hollow, like I feel like you’re not listening to me.” 

“Trust me, babe,” Jade snorts, walking away from Perrie, not wanting to be too close when all the emotions are flying. “I’m listening to you. I’m sorry if I’m not insanely excited to watch you leave on a two month tour I sort of wanted to go on as well.” 

“Well, that’s what I was talking about,” Perrie adds. “I don’t want any tension between us, so if you need me to stop talking, I will.” 

“Not talking about it isn’t going to make anything better, Perrie!” Perrie jumps at the way Jade raises her voice, not ready for the power to come out. “Not only did you beat me out for something that I wanted just as badly as you did, but now you’re leaving for two months when we’ve  _ just _ started seeing each other. I’m sorry if I’m a little angry about it, but I’m not exactly happy!” 

Perrie’s frowning, and Jade’s heart aches that she’s the one making Perrie react this way, but she’s so frustrated and she can’t control what she’s saying. “I’m sorry that you feel that way, but you could always come visit while I’m touring, come see the show, maybe - ”

“That’s exactly what I want to see,” Jade laughs a bit hysterically. “You doing something I wanted to do meself. I’ll just sit in the crowd at a shitty rock concert while I try not to vom at the fact that it’s  _ you _ on the stage.” Her words leave a bitter taste in her mouth, regretting them when she sees the broken look on Perrie’s face. 

“I think you should leave,” Perrie says.

Jade doesn’t have her wits about her enough to even consider apologizing, so she lets her jealousy get the better of her, replying with a snarky, “gladly,” as she storms out of the room. She’s so sensitive to lives that have, beneath the surface, a glory waiting to be discovered, that will rise one day to the light. 

And Perrie’s day was closer than Jade was ready for. 

~~~

She’s not in her room but five minutes before she starts crying. All the anger, jealousy and frustration at failing to get through, at being told to stay positive, being told that she has amazing range and having the judges love her, and still not being good enough - it all comes washing down in sweet hyphens below her eyes. 

It feels good to cry, relieves a lot of weight from her shoulder, but every time she thinks she’s starting to feel better, she remembers how shit Perrie must’ve felt at receiving the brunt of Jade’s anger, and she’s off again, choking out sobs as though it’s the end of the world. 

Leigh-Anne finds her after she’s been crying for two days - or maybe it was an hour (Jade’s perception of time is as shit as her ability to communicate her emotions to Perrie, it seems). She climbs in bed with her, spooning her from behind and immediately begins rubbing Jade’s arm. “What’s wrong, babe?” 

“I didn’t get the spot,” she cries. “I wasn’t good enough.”

Leigh-Anne coos, snuggling in deeper and letting her nose touch the back of Jade’s neck. “I’m sorry. They definitely made a mistake losing your voice.”

“Stop it.” 

“I mean it, Jade,” she continues. Her voice gets more teasing as her words go on. “You give me chills every time I hear you. Voice of an angel and the legs of dancer, that’s what your portfolio should say.”

Jade laughs through her tears, sniffling, as her nose is a bit runny. “You’re ridiculous,” she tells Leigh-Anne, listening to the way she hums. She doesn’t let the silence go on for too long before she adds, “Perrie got in, though.” 

“Oh yeah?” Leigh-Anne asks. “You must be proud of her.” There’s a suggestion in her voice that makes it clear that she’s checking to see if Jade’s proud, checking in that Jade’s okay with it. 

“I think I am,” she answer. “I mean, I definitely am, but I’m still upset.”

“That’s okay,” Leigh-Anne comforts her, hands still rubbing circles on Jade’s arm. “That’s totally valid. You can be proud of Perrie, celebrate her achievements and still mourn your loss. I’m sure she understand if you’re a bit upset.”

“She did understand. But then she like, could tell I was angry and like, told me she’d stop talking about it and then we got in this big fight.”

“Hm.” They both let the silence soak in before Leigh-Anne’s continuing. “What’d you fight about?” 

Jade hesitates, ashamed of her answer. “I’d rather not say.”

“Did you take your anger out on Perrie?” Leigh-Anne asks. “Even after she said she understood if you were upset? Even though she said she’d stop talking about it?” 

“…Yeah.”

“Jade,” she sighs, and Jade’s stomach hurts. “You know you can be jealous and still be happy, and letting other emotions get in the way is unbecoming.”  

“I know.” 

“I think you owe Perrie an apology.”

“I know.”

“Are you gonna sit here a be sad for a while first?”

“Yes.”

“That’s alright too, babe,” Leigh-Anne tells her, had patting at her forearm. “Just make sure to apologize.” She separates herself from Jade to go back to her side of the room, leaving Jade alone in the ghost of her body heat. 

~~~

After her Friday classes, Jade goes to find Perrie. She checks in her dorm, in Jesy’s dorm, and even at the Royal Grille, thinking maybe she’ll be hanging out there. 

But she isn’t.

Nobody’s seen Perrie, and she won’t answer Jade’s texts or calls. She doesn’t even send them straight to voicemail, just lets them keep ringing their full length. 

By the time Jade concedes and goes home, she’s accomplished nothing and still has to rehearsing for  _ Skinny Love  _ so she can present it on Monday. She doesn’t, though - just goes home and falls into bed. The circle of the empty day is brutal and at night, it hangs around her neck like a noose. 

Tomorrow will be better. 

~~~

Jade doesn’t feel her usual nerves and last minute panic before she performs her two versions of  _ Skinny Love _ . Instead of feeling worried and unprepared, she feels solid. She’s done all that she can to prepare and now she just has to go for it in front of her classmates and the professor. 

She’s hit the low notes consistently enough that she isn’t upset with her ability anymore. In fact, she’s proud of this assignment for helping to lower her register, to help widen her range and bring something new to her portfolio. She isn’t excellent, won’t be able to hit it easily and immediately, but with some more practice, she may be able to get there soon. 

So she’s not bricking it, she’s not absolutely terrified to stand in front of everyone and perform her over-practiced and completely unpracticed versions. Sure, she may not be completely excited, but she’s come to a peace inside of her and now she’s ready to share her hard work and receive her grade, no matter how it turns out. She’s ready to move onwards and upwards. 

Right as she’s about to volunteer to perform next, he phone buzzes against her thigh, so she excuses herself outside for a moment to answer it. “Hello?”

“Hello,” a metallic voice rings through the speaker. “This is Olivia Mette, and I’m calling to speak with Jade Thirlwall.” 

Jade’s heart rate spikes as soon as Olivia introduces herself. “Uh, hi Olivia. This is Jade.” There’s an optimistic part overself that’s flashing images in her head of what could be happening, if Olivia could be offering her a spot, if there was a mistake and she actually  _ did _ make it through. 

“Hi, Jade,” Olivia continues. Her voice is kind, but it sounds less strong than it usually does. “I’m very sorry about the call you received last week about not making it through. Things were very busy with getting the project organized, and I was supposed to be making the calls, but I had to pass the effort onto the other judges.” 

“That’s alright,” Jade continues, wanting to just get to the part where finds out she’s in. “But am I - does this mean I got the spot?” 

“Hm,” Olivia hums. “No, unfortunately those went to Maia Stevenson and Perrie Edwards.” Jade’s heart drops again, and she doesn’t know if she can take much more of this roller coaster. “But I had originally wanted to call you myself to let you know that though you didn’t make it through, we still absolutely adored you. Your voice is beautiful and your range is impressive.”

“Thank you, I appreciate that,” Jade tells her, voice reproachful, still upset over getting rejected now for the second time. “It means a lot coming from you.” 

“I can assure you that I mean it.” Olivia smiles. “We didn’t choose you for the project because it wasn’t your style, you would’ve been singing differently than you’re used to the entire time, and I didn’t want to put you in that - ”

Jade cuts her off, rushing to say, “I wouldn’t have minded. I’m great with change, and you heard at my audition that I could pull it off.”

“You’re completely right, Miss Thirlwall,” Olivia agrees, “and I did consider it momentarily, but the day after you auditioned, I got a call for another project in need of students, and this one is a closed audition. It’s for an R&B artist in need of women with wide ranges. So if you’re interested - ”

It feels like all of the blood in her body is rushing to her ears, blurring out everything except the best news in the world. “Oh my god, yes, absolutely,” she cuts her off. “When is it?” 

Olivia laughs, and Jade’s so happy to have met this woman, to be on the receiving end of the best phone call of the year. “If you’re interested, I have you scheduled for an audition in two weeks’ time. Three o’clock on the tenth. Does that work?”

“Yes, oh god,” she agrees, not even caring if she already has plans that day. “If it doesn’t I’ll make it work. Thank you so much.”

“You’re very welcome,” Olivia starts. “Good luck, and make me proud.” 

“I will, Ms. Mette. I’ll blow you away.”

“I’m counting on it.” She doesn’t say goodbye before the call ends, the line going dead, and Jade’s left to celebrate by her lonesome in the hallway. She jumps up and down, squeals twice for good measure, and gets all the excitement out of her system. 

And if she goes back inside and sings her personalized version of  _ Skinny Love _ with a soulful twist, well it’s only because she’s excited. And she couldn’t have stopped herself, even if she tried. 

~~~

When Jade and Leigh-Anne get back from lunch the next day, it’s to Perrie sitting in front of the door. She’d not returned any messages or calls, so Jade had been scared that things might’ve been over between them - she’d been worried that they wouldn’t be seeing each other. She’d been terrified at the thought, so seeing Perrie scrolling through her phone in the hallway is a bit of a godsend. 

“Pez!” 

Perrie looks up to Jade rushing towards her. “Jade, hey,” she says. She isn’t smiling, but she doesn’t look upset. “Do you think we could talk?”

“Uh, yeah,” she starts, suddenly nervous that this might not go well. “We can go - ”

“I’ll just grab my violin and head down to the Student Learning Center,” Leigh-Anne interrupts her, walking to the door and unlocking it, “and you two can have the room.” 

“You don’t have to - ”

“Thank you, Leigh-Anne,” Perrie cuts her off, clearly wanting the alone time.  

“Not a problem. Just don’t fuck on my bed.”

The door shuts behind Leigh-Anne and it makes Jade overwhelmingly aware of the fact that she and Perrie haven’t talked in days, that Perrie hasn’t responded to her messages because Jade took her anger out on Perrie.

It’s silent, neither of them wanting to say the first word, neither of them knowing how to approach the conversation at hand because their own emotions may not reflect on the other’s. It’s a terrifying, noiseless moment, and Jade’s thankful when Perrie makes the decision to break it. “I don’t want to leave with this anger between us. I want to hear you out and say my piece and then we can talk about what’s happening.”

“Okay, yes, definitely,” Jade agrees. She’s not bouncing with joy, still scared that things could go haywire, but having the opportunity is more than she had thought she’d get. “Before we begin I just want to say that I really like you, and if everything works out right, I think I’d like to keep seeing you.” 

“I wouldn’t mind that.”

They both smile at each other and even though they’ve not even started yet, it still feels as easy as before. 

“I do want to apologize, though,” Jade begins. “I know I said it over and over in my messages, and whether you read those or not, you deserve to hear it from me in person. So I am sorry. I took my anger out on you, when you’d done literally nothing to deserve it. You’ve been nothing but wonderful and even when you found out I didn’t get it, you didn’t boast the fact that you had, but I was still cruel. So I’m sorry.” 

Perrie smiles through her apology, and instead of immediately accepting it, she throws in one of her own. “I’m sorry too, babe. I shouldn’t have just ignored you, that was immature. I’ve been thinking, though, and as much as I’d like to say that I’d have been happy for you, I don’t know if I would’ve had it in me to act excited either.”

“I still could’ve tried a bit harder.”

“You shouldn’t have had to,” Perrie argues. “I know that you think you needed to, but you should’ve been able to be sad about it, and as someone you were seeing, I should’ve given you the time to do that. I should’ve been there for you.” 

She has a point, and Jade can see that she is right, but - “I still shouldn’t have taken my anger out on you. And I’m sorry I did.”

Perrie grins, look Jade in the eye and sounding teasing when she offers “If I say I forgive you, will you stop apologizing?” 

“Sorry, yes, Sorry. Shit - Sorry.”

“Stop it,” Perrie insists. “I’m serious.” 

“No, you’re right,” Jade agrees. “I’m sorry, no, I’m sorry. Sorry - shit - ”

Perrie cuts Jade’s rambling off with a kiss to her lips that’s more giggling than anything. It’s sweet and silly and everything Jade loves about being with Perrie. Even when the moments are serious, they find a way to lift it up. Any tension between them is soon weightless, and Jade would give anything to have this for long. 

“So do you want to talk about how you feel?” Perrie asks when they’ve pulled apart. 

“I’m alright, I think,” Jade turns down the offer. “I’m a little embarrassed by my reaction, but I’ve thought it over and I’m not that hung up on it anymore.” 

“Yeah? That’s good,” Perrie doesn’t believe her, and it makes Jade laugh a little. Even though she does mean it, it’s still funny to see Perrie fight to make things right. “I’m always here if you want to talk, you know?”

“I’m not lying, honest,” Jade laughs. “Olivia Mette gave me a call and told me they rejected me for this project because they’ve got another one that’s I’d fit better. More of an R&B vibe, she says.”  

“Oh my goodness!” Perrie’s face ranges through five different emotions as she gasps. She fight a couple of immediate responses, but ultimately goes for hugging Jade, which she accepts with open arms. “That’s so wonderful, babe! Are you going to do it?” 

“I didn’t even consider saying no,” Jade tells her truthfully. “This is perfect for me, and it’s a closed audition, meaning I’ve got a better shot.” 

“Not that you need it,” Perrie compliments. “You’ll get it for sure.” 

“Not if somebody like you steals it from me again.”

“Oh, ouch,” Perrie laughs, hand going overdramatically to her heart, cover it in fake pain. “That is a low blow, love. I’m hurt, really.” 

“I’d apologize, but you told me not to.” 

Perrie’s laugh is like a burst of spring: fresh, familiar, and wonderful in everyway. “We should celebrate tonight at the pub. I’ll bring Jesy and you can bring Leigh-Anne, maybe a token of appreciation for giving us the room twice now.” 

“I think I could manage that.” 

~~~

They get undeniably drunk in celebration and sing an unimpressive version of  _ Ain’t No Mountain High Enough, _ hitting none of the notes but still floating off the stage with nothing but pride. 

Jade can’t keep her eyes off Perrie, the way she shines, how everyone who looks at her can see her beauty - inside and out. She hopes they’re jealous, she finds herself thinking. She hopes they all go home just wishing they could’ve spent the night the way Jade did, in Perrie’s company, seeing the stars in her eyes. 

It’s midnight, she’s wasted, and she thinks she could love Perrie Edwards. 

Not now, but soon. 

**Author's Note:**

> [wingsjade.tumblr.com](Tumblr)


End file.
